Children's dreams and nightmares: how kids dream and how to help

How children dream at different ages

Children's dreams change as they grow, and the researcher who studied this most closely was the American psychologist David Foulkes. For years he woke children in the sleep lab during REM sleep and asked what they had been dreaming. He followed one group from age 3 to age 15 and summed up the work in his book Children's Dreaming and the Development of Consciousness (1999).

His findings surprised a lot of people. Between 3 and 5, the children reported few dreams, and those were short: nearly still pictures, often of animals, and seldom the child doing anything in the dream. Movement and interaction with other people showed up around ages 5 to 7. Only at about 7 or 8 did the dreams start to look like an adult's, with a storyline, the dreamer as the main character, and thoughts and feelings. Foulkes tied that shift to the growth of imagination and of self-awareness.

Not every study agrees. In 2015 a Hungarian team (Sándor and colleagues) had parents interview their 4- to 8-year-olds at home, right after they woke up. In those reports, even the youngest children were usually active in their dreams, surrounded by people and feeling things. The method probably matters a great deal: a strange lab at midnight is not the same as your own bed on a Saturday morning. The practical takeaway is a modest one. Young children do dream, but they can't always put it into words.

Why kids have nightmares

Nightmares are very common in children, especially between about 3 and 6, the years when imagination grows faster than the ability to tell what's imagined from what's real. A nightmare is a dream frightening enough to wake the child up, and it usually comes in the second half of the night, when REM periods get longer.

The themes are familiar in almost every home: monsters, animals giving chase, getting lost, being separated from a parent, falling. They often pick up on the child's day: a movie that left an impression, a move, a new baby in the family, starting school, an argument they overheard. A nightmare doesn't foretell anything or reveal a hidden problem. It's how a young mind works through big feelings. Being overtired, running a fever or an irregular schedule can make nightmares more likely too.

Tonight: what to do when your child wakes from a nightmare

When a child wakes up frightened from a nightmare, what matters first is your presence, not an explanation. At that hour they don't need to understand the dream. They need to feel safe. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises going to the child quickly, offering comfort, and helping them settle back to sleep once they're ready.

• Go quickly and keep your voice low. Your calm says more than your words.
• Hug them or hold their hand, whichever they like. Some kids want to be held; others just want you sitting close.
• Name what happened in simple words: "You had a scary dream. It's over now. You're in your bed and I'm right here."
• Don't argue about whether the monster is real, and don't ask for details in the middle of the night. If they want to tell you, listen without making it bigger.
• Offer something concrete: a sip of water, a dim light, their favorite stuffed animal tucked back in.
• Stay a few minutes until they calm down, then encourage them to fall asleep again in their own bed, with the door open a crack if that helps.
• If something in the room scares them, like a shadow or a coat on a hook, move it.

Nightmare or night terror: how to tell them apart

A night terror is not a nightmare, though the two get mixed up. Night terrors happen in deep sleep, usually in the first few hours of the night. The child screams, sits up or thrashes with eyes open, but isn't actually awake and doesn't recognize you. They're most common in preschool and the early school years, and children almost always outgrow them.

The practical difference is clear. After a nightmare, the child wakes up, looks for you and can tell you what happened. After a night terror, they drift right back to sleep and remember nothing in the morning. During an episode, don't try to wake or shake them. Stay close, keep them from bumping into anything, and wait for it to pass. If a sitter or grandparent puts them to bed, let that person know what to expect. Our article on night terrors goes into more detail.

Talking about the dream the next morning

Talking about a nightmare in daylight, without hurry, helps take away its power. You don't have to interpret it; just give it some room. With little ones, drawing works better than conversation. With older kids, a short chat over breakfast or on the way to school may be enough.

Many children enjoy changing the ending. Ask them to draw or tell the dream, then make up a new version: the monster shrinks, the dog that was chasing them just wants to play, a door appears so they can get out. It's a simple form of a technique therapists use with adults and children who have repeated nightmares. If your child doesn't want to talk, respect that and offer again another day.

• Ask with curiosity, not pressure: "Do you remember what was happening?" or "What was the scariest part?"
• Validate the feeling: "I get that it scared you. Some dreams scare me too."
• Explain, in words that fit their age, that our brains make up dreams while we sleep and dreams can't hurt us.
• If the dream echoes something from daily life, like school or a fight at home, that topic may deserve its own conversation.

A bedtime routine for calmer nights

A bedtime routine that runs almost the same way every night is one of the most useful things you can do about nightmares. Kids feel safe when they know what comes next, and a well-rested body has fewer restless dreams. Pick a few steps and stick with them, weekends included when you can.

• A set time for bed and for getting up, right for their age.
• Screens off a while before bed, and no scary movies, videos or games in the evening.
• A warm bath, or brushing teeth and putting on pajamas, always in the same order.
• A quiet story, a song or a few minutes talking about the good parts of the day.
• Slow breathing together: puff up your belly like a balloon and let the air out slowly, three or four times.
• A sleep buddy, like a stuffed animal that guards the bed or that your child takes care of.
• A night-light if the dark bothers them, and a short, warm goodnight.

What to avoid

Some well-meant reactions can make nightmares weigh more. Laughing at the fear, saying "that's for babies" or punishing a child for waking up teaches them to hide what they feel. Going over the dream again and again or hunting for a hidden meaning doesn't help either: when a grown-up seems very worried, a child may decide there really was something to be afraid of.

Moving into the grown-ups' bed after every nightmare often makes it harder for a child to learn to settle on their own. Every family decides how it sleeps, but in general it helps more to comfort them in their own bed until they calm down.

When to see the pediatrician

Most childhood nightmares don't need treatment, but there are times to check in with your pediatrician or a child psychologist. Asking doesn't mean something is wrong. It means getting an expert's view when the whole family's sleep is suffering.

• The nightmares are very frequent, say several a week for months, or are still intense past age 6.
• Fear of nightmares makes your child resist bedtime, or tiredness shows at school or in their mood.
• The nightmares began after something very frightening, like an accident, a loss or violence.
• Night terrors happen very often, are violent, or put your child at risk of getting hurt.
• Your child snores loudly, seems to stop breathing for moments during sleep, or the night episodes always look the same and leave you uneasy.
• You notice other changes: sadness, anger or fears that last all day.